Matt's Cancer

Before Removal Of Tumours

Page 4

I’m at home, waiting for my appointment, I’ve never had an operation before, at least nothing like this. So I have all kinds of things going through my head, realising this could be something serious. I was an emotional mess, kept breaking down and crying. I called the kids in from the garden, told them off for making too much noise, then burst into tears, then thought “well that didn’t go well”.
I started to panic about the operation, worried what if I wake up halfway through the operation and couldn’t speak, what if I wake up and after the operation and find a leg missing, what if they chop my penis off and say “we found the problem, your penis is gone now”.
I didn’t sleep very well with so much worry, I remember this one dream. In the dream it’s the day of the operation to remove the tumours, they wheeled me into theatre, the surgeon and staff are all standing round me with their arms folded. For some reason, the surgeon says “I’m sorry, we’re not operating, you’ll have to leave”.
So I decided to tell them I’ll do it myself, in the hope they would’n let me and agree to operate. But this doesn’t go to plan, I inject myself with the anaesthetic to put myself to sleep, then I say “pass me the…..”
There’s a voice, “and he’s out. Lunch everybody?”
Then I woke up, I started patting myself down. My wife looked at me and asked what I was doing? I told her I was just checking, making sure nothing was missing, then I realised it was a dream.